Today I felt taller than usual
My head balanced precariously on my shoulders
As if it were on a pike.
I ducked through the shop door,
Looked intently at the shelves of overpriced food
and became stubbornly monosyllabic
“Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“That’s £2.60 please.”
“Cheers.”
“Do you want a bag?”
“No…” reluctantly adding “thanks” under my breath
Deep rooted politeness.
Realisation set in around 9:30pm.
I had made mistake, we needed to talk,
I would get on a train, things could change.
But it didn’t, and I didn’t, it couldn’t.
By 4am the birds sang for dawn and I was adamant it was over.
We had chased for a year with only 4 months to show for it
Our energy spent, words escaped us.
Distractions plagued my visions almost instantaneously.
Potential interest periodically confused
With simple kindness.
Today I felt smaller than usual
The ceiling lower, the duvet drowned me.
The part of my mind set aside for the us and the we had
Seemingly vanished.
It did not, had not existed.
It had blown away in the wind,
Been washed away by the tide,
Was plucked out of my head by a mind altering drug.
All that remained was her eager vocabulary
And the dull chime of her voice
During those last, broken conversations.
