HIDING AT SHUNT.

waldein samkeat.

All too quiet

in the early hours

with your hands on my neck

my eye toward the door.

I am hiding in the depths

that your eyes cannot see

I am waiting for you

because I'm sure you are real

I am looking for you

down here

in the woods

of my mind.

But I am flawed by your side

I am floored by your sight

and I fear being alone

beyond the trees.

tick tock.

Nothing will fall into focus
like a sheet of frosted glass
has slipped between myself
and everything else.
Icicles form,
hanging from my ears
and nose,
the peak of my cap,
and an icy mist settles in my mind
so that nothing is willing to stir
from the warmth of the comfort zone.
Two clocks tick
we run on different time
tick, tick, tock, tock.
Stood on the edge
i am ready to step into sync
but she will ask
for her time back.
My tick will miss her tock
and the ice will set in
around my ever hopeful heart.

//

uneasy at the thought of such distance.

most of which i could never recall.

Today I felt taller than usual

My head balanced precariously on my shoulders

As if it were on a pike.

I ducked through the shop door,

Looked intently at the shelves of overpriced food

and became stubbornly monosyllabic

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

“That’s £2.60 please.”

“Cheers.”

“Do you want a bag?”

“No…” reluctantly adding “thanks” under my breath

Deep rooted politeness.

Realisation set in around 9:30pm.

I had made mistake, we needed to talk,

I would get on a train, things could change.

But it didn’t, and I didn’t, it couldn’t.

By 4am the birds sang for dawn and I was adamant it was over.

We had chased for a year with only 4 months to show for it

Our energy spent, words escaped us.

Distractions plagued my visions almost instantaneously.

Potential interest periodically confused

With simple kindness.

Today I felt smaller than usual

The ceiling lower, the duvet drowned me.

The part of my mind set aside for the us and the we had

Seemingly vanished.

It did not, had not existed.

It had blown away in the wind,

Been washed away by the tide,

Was plucked out of my head by a mind altering drug.

All that remained was her eager vocabulary

And the dull chime of her voice

During those last, broken conversations.

you can see real life in 3-D.

worlds apart.